Passing of a Grand Dame

This posting has got nothing to do with my dreams... but i wished it has been just a dream. My grandma passed away this afternoon. It was a difficult passing.... her mind was willing but her body was not.

Actually, she has planned for this day long ago.... each time she visited, she'll tell us how she has stashed away money for her final journey and we should not cry for her when the day comes.

To be honest, i'm not very close to her. For one, we leave miles apart. I'm in Singapore and she's in JB. Think we meet at most 4 times a year... and it was always her who will travel down from JB to visit us despite her age and increasing immobility. Strangely, now that she's gone, i'm really starting to miss her........

Some reflections...

When i was a little girl, i looked forward to visit her coz she had a huge garden with swing. I liked waking up to sounds of the birds and roosters she kept.. I enjoyed strolling along the pasar malam just 2 streets from her house and eating sweetcorn.

In my teenage years, i loathed it when she came to visit. I didn't like sharing my room with her. Didn't like her meddling into my life... i remember once telling my mom to ask her to go back and don't come again.

Later, her visits didn't bother me anymore... i guess, i've grown used to the fact that she'll visit us and her stays are never that long anyway... I remember so fondly that she'll always buy me my favourite tiong bahru yam pastry whenever she visited. She knew it was my favourite.

During my ROM, she amazed everyone when she ate so much at the buffet reception. She ate everything from raw to cooked food... she was 80+ but her appetite was better than anyone half her age. I guess, she was happy for me.

Every Chinese New Year, she'll take a train and visit us at my home. She was getting forgetful and will lose her way sometimes. There was once husby found her walking aimlessly at the foot of my block.... she has forgotten which floor we stayed on.

Despite not being well off at all, she'll always give me a RM20 angpow during CNY. RM20 is really nothing to me... but it probably meant a lot a lot to her... She must really loved me.

This new year, i bought her a nice dinner at spring court. In my heart, i sort of knew that it'll probably be her last new year with us. We found out that she was suffering from final stage of stomach cancer. I remembered myself showing her the lights at Chinatown... she was mesmerised......

Last week, we visited her at the nursing home.... it was her last lap towards the end of her journey, it must have been painful but she remained cheerful.... she could hardly sit up... her legs were so swollen because of water retention, her skin stretched to the thinnest.... but when she saw me, my mom and joey... i could see in her eyes that she was truly happy to see us. Seeing how much joey has grown, she told me that it is time to try for a baby boy..... those where her last words to me.

Today, Ah mak has left us ........................ she was 89.